April 1, 2013

Comfort Zone Chaos and The Color of Women

So I totally did something that I never thought I would do. About two months ago I was asked to be interviewed by the beautiful Heidi Woolard from the Unsung Goddess blogtalk radio show. When she asked me I wondered to myself...well what have I got to say... and who would want to listen? Not the most positive way to talk to myself but its the kind of talk I have been monitoring. 

I am really happy that I said yes to the opportunity.  If you missed the live show here are the recorded sessions:

The experience was very positive and Heidi really made me feel at ease. I would recommend it to anyone wanting to expand outside of their comfort zone. At some point I really did feel like it was just the two of us having a good conversation. At the end of my two-part interview I wondered why I would have said no to her. I realized that it was my fear about what others might think. “She doesn’t have enough experience…she is not a good artist….she is too young”….my inner critic was having a great time with this new opportunity. Well I had to silence her quickly because I am on the path to follow my dreams, regardless of my fear about what others may think of it. 

I think that most people who decide to go outside the “normal-way” are going to be judged. I have decided that if it feels right, despite the anxiety, fear, and a queasy stomach, I will make my own path and do what my heart tells me to do. For me, it is especially important now that I have discovered my calling (more on that in a minute) to facilitate creativity.

I want to know what do you do when you feel anxious or fearful about what others might think about what you are trying to create for yourself in life or work? 

Speaking of life-work... I have found myself in a remarkable place with regard to living creatively. If you follow my blog you will know about my recent trip to New York City where I was able to meet online friends and a most admired artist by the name of Shiloh Sophia McCloud. After I returned from this trip I was “ignited” and was able to see clearly what direction I needed to take.

For a couple of years now I have been on the creative path. I’ve been trying to find my way and wondering what I will do with all this freedom now that I’ve let go of the things that don’t serve me anymore. I’ve been searching and taking online art classes with other artists learning and growing.

There have been times when I said, ‘you know what it’s probably just easier for me to find a regular job and just work that way and do art on the side.’ I guess it’s easier to stay in your comfort zone… where everything is familiar and you know exactly what to expect. But I know myself and I could never lie to myself like that. I know that once I let go of all of the things that didn’t serve me, it was time to expand. As scary as going along this uncharted path has been, it has also been exciting. There have been moments of complete exhilaration.

I realize now, on a very emotional and spiritual level that the dream I had of painting in my grandmother's old New York City apartment wasn't really a dream. It was the Great Creative Power, God and Goddess guiding me towards my calling. I was literally in a state of shock being in the presence of such strong women and finally getting to meet the artist whose paintings literally talk to me. I know this sounds weird but from the computer screen I can see their mouths moving. I can hear them speak to my heart and my soul. I don’t want to ignore them anymore.

I have lived with the dream to paint for a living. After I left my teaching job I realized how much I missed being in the classroom. I loved my students and they me, but I knew that it was time for me to find a different classroom a different way to teach. Teaching that was more than words and numbers…a different subject one that was close to my heart that I could just let out and let people see me so that they could see themselves. 

I am still in a state of awe. Having been searching for my calling for so long, now that it’s here it feels surreal. I keep dreaming and painting and writing. I sit in meditation with great intention and see myself in small groups and small circles of women guiding them helping them, loving them, holding a space for them. I realize that this is what my calling is. This is what’s been calling from deep inside of me for so long.

What happened as a result of saying yes to NYC and forgetting about how much money it would cost, or how little money I had in my bank account to make it happen, was that I allowed myself to be open enough to receive what is really mine to receive. The answer to my soul’s prayer to my soul’s calling. I like to call this my Soulful Metamorphosis

A transformation occurred for me that weekend and I felt as though I had broke the cocoon and allowed myself to see the light and fly.

I was accepted to The Color of Woman Method Art School with the visionary Shiloh Sophia last Friday. Our hour long conversation made me feel completely validated in what I have been doing the last six months with my art, my writing, and establishing my creative presence. I went out to celebrate with my husband and family to our favorite Chinese restaurant that glorious day and this is the fortune I was handed:

I can never ignore what I am meant to do. I can never go back to the place of not knowing. I must share this with others. Everyone should feel this. 

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